When looking for a lawyer to represent you, what do you look for?

1. If you answered: a white middle-aged rapper, with chauvinistic overtones, then this guy is for you.

2. Or perhaps you really need a singing squirrel to feel like you’re adequately represented? Well, we found one of those, too.

3. No! You need a lawyer who identifies with Tom Cruise – no, not Tom Cruise in a Few Good Men, Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Turn and Burn!

4. Or if you’re a man, how about The Firm For Men? It’s like the hair club but instead of hair, you get vitriol and misogyny.

5. If you need a bankruptcy attorney who thought this ad was so great that they’ve somehow used it twice, then call this guy…

or this guy?!

No, these are not the same bald guys or the same attorneys. We have no idea why they have semi-identical commercials and lost interest in trying to figure it out.

If these are the lawyers, we hate to imagine the clientele.

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